A Harry Potter Musical
by QuietHermione
Summary: This is my attempt at a Harry Potter musical. Contains a lot of Broadway parodies, but will have other song genres too. Will probably not be finished until the seveth book comes out.
1. No One Mourns the Dark Lord

**A Harry Potter Musical**

A/N: Hello all! This is my first story, so please review. To the best of my abilities, this is going to be the plot of the Harry Potter books set to the tune of songs that I know. It's just a story I'm writing for fun.

And about this song: Yes, I know, only Death Eaters call Voldemort "The Dark Lord", and the middle is kinda weird, but hey-I thought it fit. Also, parts of it are not going to make sense unless you know the sixth book very well.

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**Chapter 1**

"No One Mourns the Dark Lord"

Parody of "No One Mourns the Wicked" from the musical _Wicked_

Halloween (or day after) of 1981. The Dark Lord Voldemort had just been defeated by baby Harry Potter. All sorts of wizards run out, singing:

Wizards:

_"Good news! He's gone!_

_He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is gone!_

_The most evil wizard there ever was_

_The enemy of all of us wizards here_

_Is gone!_

_Good news!_

_Good news!"_

There is more rejoicing, and suddenly a random, slightly annoying wizard in the crowd shouts:

"Look! It's Dumbledore!"

Dumbledore Apparates from nowhere and says:

"Fellow wizards:

_Let us be glad_

_Let us be grateful_

_Let us rejoicify that goodness could subdue_

_The evil workings of You-Know-Who_

_Isn't it nice to know_

_That good will conquer evil?_

_The truth we all believe'll by and by_

_Outlive a lie_

_For you and –"_

Dumbledore is interrupted by another annoying wizard:

_"No one mourns the Dark Lord."_

Another wizard (who is not annoying):

_"No one cries "He won't return!""_

All:

_"No one lays a lily on his grave"_

Wizard:

_"The good wizard scorns the Dark Lord!"_

Witches:

_"Through their lives, our children learn"_

All:

_"What we miss, when we misbehave"_

Dumbledore:

_"And Goodness knows_

_The Dark Lord's life is lonely_

_Goodness knows_

_The Dark Lord cries alone_

_It just shows when you're evil_

_You're left only_

_On your own"_

All:

_"Yes, Goodness knows_

_The Dark Lord's life is lonely._

_Goodness knows_

_The Dark Lord cries alone._

_Nothing grows for the Dark Lord_

_He reaps only_

_What he's sown"_

Dumbledore:

"Are people born evil? Or do they have evilness thrust upon them? After all,

he had a childhood. He had a mother, as so many do."

The scene now drifts to the Gaunt house, back in 1924 or so. Marvolo Gaunt and his son, Morfin, had just been taken to Azkaban. Ogden hangs back with Marvolo's daughter, Merope.

Ogden:

_"With those fellows gone, will you be lonely?"_

Merope:

_"No, that's alright, it's only for six months."_

Ogden:

_"But I'm sure that you'll be in their hearts_

_While they're out of your sight."_

Ogden leaves, not really believing what he just said. Merope sure doesn't believe him. She looks out a window, sees a dark-haired man riding by, and runs off to get something.

Dumbledore:

"And of course, he had a father, and he was- shall we say-bewitched by Merope."

Merope:

_"Have another drink, my dark-haired beauty_

_While you are still right here in town._

_So have another drink of my elixir_

_And we'll have ourselves a little mixer._

_Have another little swallow, handsome lad,_

_And follow me down."_

Dumbledore:  
"But before he was born, his father abandoned his mother and, well, Merope, she..."

On a cold night, Merope, who is now very pregnant, knocks on the door of an orphanage. The matron, Mrs. Cole, answers it.

Merope:

_"It's coming."_

Mrs. Cole:

_"Now?"_

Merope:

_"The baby's coming."_

Mrs Cole:

_"And how!"_

They go into a room in the orphanage. Later...

Mrs. Cole:

_"I see a nose_

_I see an eye_

_It's a healthy, perfect,_

_Lovely, little -"_

Merope:

"Ohhhhhh!

Merlin's Beard!"

Mrs. Cole:

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Merope:

_"How can it be?_

_What does it mean?_

_How does he look?_

_How is he?_

_I hope he looks like his papa,_

_I think that I am going to-_

_Die!"_

Merope:  
"You must call him... Tom Marvolo Riddle."

Merope dies.

Back to the present, where people are still celebrating.

Dumbledore:

"So you see - it couldn't have been easy!"

Wizards:

_"No one mourns the Dark Lord!_

_Now at last, he's left and gone!_

_Now at last, there's joy throughout the land_

_And Goodness knows_

_We know what Goodness is_

_Goodness knows_

_The Dark Lord cries alone"_

Dumbledore:

_"He cries alone."_

Wizards:

_"Woe to those_

_Who spurn what Goodness_

_They are shown_

_No one mourns the Dark Lord"_

Dumbledore:

_"Good news!"_

Wizards:  
_"No one mourns the Dark Lord!"_

Dumbledore:

_"Good news!"_

All:  
_"No one mourns the Dark Lord!_

_Dark Lord!_

_Dark Lord!"_

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**Well, there you have it folks. My first chapter in a story and a fairly weak attempt at a musical. Please read and review! Constructive criticism is accepted, but no outright flames, please.**


	2. What Child is This

**I'm back! I got a few reviews, so I figured I'd update. And I know, I know, I KNOW! I shouldn't be parodying Christmas carols. Well, I couldn't think of anything else, so please bear with it.**

**To all of my reviwers: Thank you so much! I will give you all... cookies shaped like Wizard hats! As a tribute to both HP and Wicked. I will definitely have another Wicked related chapter in the near future.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or Christmas carols. I also don't own Wicked, since I kinda forgot to put a disclaimer for last chapter. Oops...**

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**Chapter 2**

**What Child Is This?**

**Parody of the well-known Christmas carol.**

McGonagall:

What child is this

Who took down evilness

Survived, though his parents are dead

Whom wizards greet with magic meet

While me and Dumbledore are waiting?

Dumbledore:

This, is Harry Potter

Who has defeated Lord Voldemort

Haste, haste to bring him here

The boy must go and live with the Dursleys.

So bring him, Hagrid, quickly now

We don't have all night, we must do it now

The Boy Who Lived must now be protected

He must be away till he's ready

This, is Harry Potter

Who has defeated Lord Voldemort

Haste, haste to bring him here

The boy must go and live with the Dursleys.

This, is Harry Potter

Who has defeated Lord Voldemort

Haste, haste to bring him here

The boy must go and live with the Dursleys.

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**OK, really weird and not the best chapter. Oh well-an author rarely enjoys her own work.**


	3. Over the Rainbow

I come with another chapter! I didn't change a lot of the lyrics in this song, I just thought it fits so well. So forgive me if it's weird.

ThymeWaster: Thanks for being the ONE reviewer of my last chapter!

To everyone else, I will have some good chapters again soon.

**Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter, or Wizard of Oz. **

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**Chapter 3**

**"Over the Rainbow"**

**Parody of the popular song from the movie _Wizard of Oz_**

At the Dursleys, after the snake incident. Harry is locked in his cupboard, and just has to express himself:

Somewhere over the rainbow  
Way up high  
There's a life that I heard of  
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow  
Skies are blue  
And those dreams that you only dare to dream  
Really do come true

Some day I'll make a wish upon a star  
And wake up where the Dursleys are far behind me  
Where they all melt like sherbert lemon drops  
Up above the chimney tops  
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow  
Owls fly  
Owls fly over the rainbow  
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little owls fly  
Beyond the rainbow  
Why, oh why can't I?

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**There you have it. Please review!**


	4. Dumbledore and I

**Hello! I'm sorry I took a while with this chapter, I needed to listen to the Wicked soundtrack for insperation. Since you all seem to like my Wicked chapters, for some reason. Again, this is a weird one, but that's to be expected.**

**To my reviwers: Thank you very much! Have some chocolate chip cookies.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, don't own Wicked, but hopefully you already knew that. **

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**Chapter 4**

**"Dumbledore and I"**

**Parody of "The Wizard and I" from _Wicked_ (of course)**

In the hut on the rock, Harry meets Hagrid and finds out he is a wizard.

Hagrid:

Oh, Harry.

_"Many years I have waited_

For a gift like yours to appear

Why, I predict Dumbledore

Could make you a

Magic grand wizard!

Harry, Harry,

We'll go at once to Dumbledore

Tell him of you in advance

With a talent like yours, boy

There is a defin-ish chance

If you work as you should

You'll be making good."

Hagrid leaves, leaving Harry in his own thoughts.

Harry:

_"Did that really just happen?_

Have I actually understood?

This weird quirk I've tried

To suppress or hide

Is a talent that could

Help me find out about my parents

If I make good

So I'll make good.

_When I meet Dumbledore_

Once I prove my value

And then I'll leave the Dursleys

What I've waited for since; since two!

And with all Dumbledore's wisdom

By my past, he won't be blinded

Do you think Dumbledore is dumb?

Or, like Muggles, so small-minded?

No! He'll say to me,

"I see who you truly are -

A boy on whom I can rely!"

And that's how we'll begin

Dumbledore and I"

_Once I'm with Dumbledore_

My whole life will change

'Cuz once you go to Hogwarts

Who cares if you are strange!

No uncle is not proud of you,

No cousin acts ashamed

And all the world has to love you

When by Dumbledore you're acclaimed

And this gift - or this curse -

I have inside

Maybe at last, I'll know why

When we are hand and hand -

Dumbledore and I!

_And one day, he'll say to me, "Harry,_

A boy who is so superior

Shouldn't a boy who's so good inside

Be away from relative inferiors?

And since you, Harry, to an amazing degree

Seem fixated on your family

Would it be all right by you

If I de-Dursley-fy you?"

_And though of course_

That's not important to me

"All right, why not?" I'll reply

Oh, what a pair we'll be

Dumbledore and I.

Yes, what a pair we'll be

Dumbledore and:

_Unlimited_

My future is unlimited

And I've just had a vision

Almost like a prophecy

I know - it sounds truly crazy

And true, the vision's hazy

But I swear, someday there'll be

A celebration throughout the wizard world

That's all to do with me!

_And I'll stand there with Dumbledore_

_Feeling things I've never felt_

_And though I'd never show it_

_I'll be so happy, I could melt!_

_And so it will be_

_For the rest of my life_

_And I'll want nothing else_

_Till I die_

_Held in such high esteem_

_When people see me, they will scream_

_For half of Hogwart's favorite team:_

_Dumbledore_

_And I!"_

_

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_

**Well, it's kind of silly, but I just had to do it.**

**So-review? Please? Pretty please? I'll give you more cookies.**


	5. You're Off To Go To Hogwarts

**I'm back, and it's time to give out cookies to my reviewers! Thank you all so much! **

**Now, to answer one reviewer's question: Yes, I am TRYING to do this so that it's like Sorcerer's Stone. But chances are good that I might fail, since I will be jumping from scene to scene a lot. I will also try to get songs to go with the rest of the Potter series.**

**All right, I better stop now. The author's notes are going to be longer than the song...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it! Do you really think I own it? Well, I don't own it!**

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**Chapter 5**

**"You're Off To Go To Hogwarts"**

**Original song: "You're Off To See The Wizard" from _Wizard of Oz_**

(Sometime after Diagon Alley.)

Hagrid:

You're off to go to Hogwarts, the wonderful Wizarding School.

You'll find it is a wonderful place if ever a place there was.

If ever, oh ever, a School there was,

You can bet Hogwarts is one because,

Because, because, because, because, because

Because of the wonderful things it does.

You're off to go to Hogwarts, the wonderful Wizarding School.

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**OK, _short_, and boring and lame. Oh well, I'll make it up to you by posting my next chapter soon. _Really_ soon.**


	6. Loathing

**Well, you've all expected this for a long time, I'm sure, and now you finally got it! I knew I was going to do this the minute I came up with this story and I'm actually fairly pleased with this chapter. Well, kind of.**

**Again, I didn't change a _lot _of the lyrics because it fits Harry and Draco so well. But then again, this song fits almost every fictional enemies well, doesn't it?**

**Disclaimer: In addition to not owning Harry Potter or Wicked, I also don't curse. I don't even use God's name in vain, which explains the beginning. **

**And for those die-hard Potter fans, I am aware that Harry & Malfoy's _very first_ encounter was at Diagon Alley, but they didn't know their names then, so it was more suitable to do this on the train.**

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**Chapter 6**

"**Loathing"**

Obviously to the tune of "What is This Feeling?" from _Wicked_.

On the Hogwarts express. Harry and Draco meet, and there was, well, loathing at first sight.

Draco:

_Dearest darlingest Father_

Harry:

_Oh gosh._

Both:

_There's been some confusion_

_Over students here at school_

Harry:

_But of course, I will ignore it_

Draco:

_But of course, I'll rise above it_

Both:

_For I know that's how you'd expect me to respond_

_Yes, there's been some confusion_

_For you see, this student is_

Draco:

_Unusually and exceedingly famous_

_And altogether quite impossible to describe_

Harry:

_A git._

Draco:

_What is this feeling?_

_So sudden and new?_

Harry:

_I felt the moment_

_I laid eyes on you._

Draco:

_My pulse is rushing._

Harry:

_My head is reeling._

Draco:

_My face is flushing._

Both:

_What is this feeling?_

_Fervid as a flame,_

_Does it have a name?_

_Yes!_

_Loathing!_

_Unadulterated loathing!_

Draco:

_For your scar._

Harry:

_Your house._

Draco:

_Your clothing_

Both:

_Let's just say - I loathe it all_

_Ev'ry little trait, however small_

_Makes my very flesh begin to crawl_

_With simple utter loathing_

_There's a strange exhilaration_

_In such total detestation_

_It's so pure and strong!_

_Though I do admit it came on fast_

_Still I do believe that it can last_

_And I will be loathing_

_Loathing you_

_My whole life long!_

Students (randomly popping out of train compartments):

_Dear Harry Potter, you are just too good_

_How do you stand him? I don't think I could!_

_He's a terror! He's a Tartar!_

_We don't mean to show a bias,_

_But Harry Potter, you're a martyr!_

Draco:

_Well: I guess he's sent to try me!_

Students (ignoring Draco):

_Oh poor Harry, forced to abide_

_With someone so disgusticified_

_We all just want to tell you_

_We're all on your side!_

_We share your_

Draco and Harry (Students):

_What is this feeling_ (Loathing)

_So sudden and new?_ (Unadulterated loathing)

_I felt the moment_ (For his face, his voice)

_I laid eyes on you_ (His clothing)

_My pulse is rushing_ (Let's just say)

_My head is reeling_ (We loathe it all!)

_Oh, what is this feeling?_ Ev'ry little trait

_Does it have a name?_ (Makes our very flesh)

_Yes_ (Begin to crawl)

_Ahhh Ahhh_

All:

_Loathing!_

Draco and Harry (Students):

_There's a strange exhilaration_ (Loathing!)

_In such total detestation_ (Loathing!)

_It's so pure, so strong_ (Loathing!)

Students:

_So strong!_

Draco and Harry:

_Though I do admit it came on fast_

_Still I do believe that it can last_

_And I will be loathing_

_For forever loathing_

_Truly deeply loathing you_

_My whole life long!_

Students:

_Loathing!_

_Unadulterated loathing!_

Harry (attempting to jinx):

_Boo!_

Draco:

_Ahhh!_

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**Warning: The following parody is extremely insane, will get the song "Loathing" stuck in your head, and may be hazardous to your health. Please read at your own risk.**

**Oh, I should have stuck this at the BEGINNING of the chapter. Whoops...**

**I'm not even going to ask to read and review... I can guarantee I will be getting reviews for this. Whether good or bad, though, I have no idea.**


	7. Dear Old Hogwarts

Hi. I'm back again. Well, I am now really regretting about not asking to review my last chapter. So now I will say: Please go back and review it! Do whatever you want; praise it, politely criticise it, flame it, or print it out and turn it into origami, I don't care! Just please review it!

And, uh, same thing for this chapter, I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't Harry Potter and I don't own Wicked. If I did, then my skin would be green, and I'd had a scar on my forehead.

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**Chapter 7**

**"Dear Old Hogwarts"**

**To the tune of "Dear Old Shiz" from-what else?-_Wicked_.**

In the Great Hall, just before the Sorting. A teacher askes Dumbledore:

"Dumbledore! Is it true - you taught You-Know-Who?!"

Dumbledore:

"Well - I guess you could say that. I mean, I did know him. That is,

our paths did cross. When he went to the school…."

First years enter the Great Hall, and everybody starts singing:

Students:

_"O hallowed halls and magic walls_

_The proudliest sight there is_

_When grey and aged our hair hath turned_

_We shall still revere the magic learned_

_In our days at dear old Hogwarts_

_Our days at dear old"_

Dumbledore:

_"Oh-oh-oh-oh-ol."_

Students and Dumbledore:

_"Dear old Hogwarts"_

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It's short, but hey-the song is short. Please review! 


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